Self Care for Writers of Tough Poetry!

You Do Not Have to Suffer (Much) For Your Art

by Clare Shaw

I think the title of this essay would make a good name for an album of fairly self-conscious folk-rock music by men with beards. But in actual fact, it just does what it says. Because the myth of the tortured artist really is a myth. Or put another way, the idea that you can only write good poetry when you’re unhappy, depressed, addicted or in pain is conspicuous and dreadful b/s. Writers who kill themself are notoriously unproductive.

You might have to work for your art, but you do not have to suffer. That doesn’t mean that you can only write about hamsters and glitter. Kim and I are both known as writers of difficult and challenging material – addressing sexual violence, domestic abuse, childhood abuse and other forms of trauma, along with mental illness, bereavement, homophobia, armed conflict, state oppression, and other painful issues. My next collection, “I Know What I Saw’, is probably the most autobiographical of all of my collections, and – I think – the most impactful. Certainly it has an impact on me, which is why I wrote the list below.

I like lists. They help me to remember things, and to go through a process carefully and thoroughly. I put this list on my wall, along with my Mental Colander of Worthy Causes and Exciting New Things.  More of that another. For now, I thought you might like to read about how I deal with self-care after writing difficult material. During the coming days, I’ll post a longer essay on the subject which will peep out at your tantalisingly from behind the “paid subscriptions only” sign. Meanie. Kim and I will also have an entirely earnest and sensible conversation about it. For now, please enjoy.

My Self-Care Routine

1. Ask yourself - have you just written about difficult experiences, feelings or memories?

Yes -  then proceed to 2!

No – you still need to take your feelings seriously.  Also proceed to 2!

2. Take a few minutes to check in with your feelings. Focus on your toes and move up through your body. Are you hungry/ thirsty/ tired/ cold/achey?

Yes – then prioritise meeting these needs straight away. Make yourself warm, comfortable and safe, then proceed to 3.

No – you still deserve comfort and kindness – proceed to 3!

3. Are you feeling upset, anxious, unsettled, sad, depressed etc? 

Yes – proceed to 4

No – you can get back to your day’s activities – but don’t forget to look after yourself!

4. Do you need support?

Yes:

a)        If you feel like you need some reassurance and validation – text or chat to a friend.  Consider letting them know what you feel, and how they can help.

b)       If you feel very upset – call someone you trust, or arrange to see someone. Call a helpline. Let them know what you feel, and how they can help.

c)        if you feel unsafe, please seek support urgently, from friends, helplines or services if necessary. 

When you’ve accessed all the support you need, proceed to 5.

5. Try doing the things which make you feel better!

Make a list of things that help you – sometimes it’s best to write this list when you feel okay, because you can think more clearly. Refer to the list when you’re upset – and keep on adding to it, so it always reflects what suits you best. These are some of the things which work for me!

-       a hot bath

-       going for a walk and looking at moss

-       walk to my friend’s house over the moor

-       a 10 minute workout from Youtube

-       cake in a café

-       sit outside and identify the bird song using an App

-       go for a walk with a good podcast

-       do 20 minutes rapid housework!

-       cooking, or baking biscuits or flapjack

-       sort out my collections of Marvellous Things

-       get a duvet on the sofa and watch a film

-       dance!

Then 6!

6. Are you still feeling upset?

Yes -  then consider cancelling work or other commitments so you can focus on self-care. Go back to 3. 

No – in that case, you can get back to your day’s activities! Stay aware that you might feel vulnerable and shaky, and that you should take extra care of yourself.

Be proud of yourself for looking after yourself!

When you feel ready – proceed to 7.

7. Reflect on what it was about writing which left you feeling upset. What can you learn from this for:

-       your writing and creative practice

-       your self care?

PS.

I hope you enjoyed my list, and I hope it’s the start of a wider conversation. Please do leave your responses, and any thoughts - and I’d also really love to hear about how you take care of yourself when you’re writing, or reading, poetry about difficult stuff.